why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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