I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
