i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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