my shit smells like andre
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
