You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
