Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize