I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
