I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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