I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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