pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
cat food counts as protein by the way
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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