i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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