when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize