i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
