I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
