You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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