I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
COCAINE IS GR8
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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