so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
