Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
