i don't plan on having that self control this summer
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
