I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
