In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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