Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she looked like the before picture.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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