Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
