I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
