if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
