Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize