Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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