new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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