I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
