If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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