Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
