Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
