I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
