I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
