i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
