I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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