Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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