just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
