walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize