No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
