he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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