He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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