dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
