I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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