and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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