Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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