I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
