When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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