It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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