I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
