He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
