Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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