If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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