Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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