she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
