Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
