I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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