STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
