This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
