its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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