So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
