I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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