She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
