Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
what day is it and did you see me today?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
