he wants to bone in the snuggie
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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