it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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