I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize