that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
