just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
